1. State the problem:
Large groups of people who budge in the lunch line.
2. Give Evidence:
Very often if it is something good in the lunch line there will be many people who feel it's right to budge in the lunch line. This causes people to get their lunches even later then they were already going to be. It also causes the lunch workers to sometimes run out of the foods that people who were rightfully in the line wanted, which has happened to me on may occasion.
3. Contributing Factors:
This could be caused because people think that it is OK that if they have a friend in the line then it is OK for them to go join that friend in line. But it is usually a group of at least five people. People who budge as I have noticed often pat their friend on the back to show people behind them that they are friends with this person so it must be right.
4. Propose a Solution:
One solution for this is for stricter rules for the lunch line and have hall monitors and the lunch worker watch for these groups and refuse to serve them until they go and wait their turn. Another solution would be for people to take a stand for themselves and their place in line when it is threatened.
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4 comments:
I like your choice of problem. Last sentance in evidence should have "many occasions". Otherwise, I see no major problems with it.
Ben Roettger
hehe. very well done. oops. I feel so bad now. I'm one of those people who budge. lol. And in front of you!!! :) Very nicely written though. You should give some solid statistics, like an interview with someone or something. Or ask opinions out of 5 people or something. :) Very nicely done otherwise.
Sarah S. Hour:5
i agree with this.
i feel bad.
i budge like..
every day.
James: You gave a cause and effect essay in the middle of your evidence. Keep this as evidence that it happens. I agree with Sarah's comment that stats or something concrete will really help. For instance, try saying "On Tuesday I noticed six kids bud in the main line at B lunch. My friend counted at least 10 kids bud in A lunch on Tuesday and another friend said he counted six kids budding in the main line on Monday's C lunch. That way we have reason to believe the problem does exist. Heck, I guess Sarah and Win-Win just made a case that it exists as a problem. There are a few other structural problems with the contributing factors, but your solution was solid. Thanks for doing a nice job with the blog and online content! -- Mr. H
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